4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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