Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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