I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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