I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
