GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
