I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
