Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
