I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
