its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
