i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
