she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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