Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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