the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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