he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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