WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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