Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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