Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
