Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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