im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
