my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
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He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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