i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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