A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
