Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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