The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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