so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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