in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
