doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
