Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
