Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
