i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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