my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sober January is a disaster.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
