doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
