you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
