Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
