Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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