if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Terrible idea I love it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My vagina is very pro this idea
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
