Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
