I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
