I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i believe in u and ur pee
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
