He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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