If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
