Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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