She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
