lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
