out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
