I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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