And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
