He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
