I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
