I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize