some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
