I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize