sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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