ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
