everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it because I queefed?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
