i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
