I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
