i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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