her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
