So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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