when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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