Yo dont text me then not text me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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